SSU October 24, 2008

One of the things that we have done this week in our counseling class (the subject is the Addictive Life) is present a paper regarding our experience with addiction, either our own or someone elses. One of the students relayed to us that he had wanted to write something regarding himself, but was not sure what, if any, part of his life might fall into that category. One of his close friends had suggested to him that he should ask those who knew him best what that might be. When he did just that, they were able to share with him what they saw, something that was not evident to him.

Living in authentic community has many benefits. One of them is highlighted by this student's experience. We need community to find out who we really are. We cannot accurately self-assess. We cannot, without bias, receive a complete picture of ourselves from God. We see ourselves through a lens and we hear God's voice concerning us through a filter. We can’t even be who we are outside of community. It is in the context of community that our true self is discovered and released.

I don't mean to imply that we do not have an ability to see things about ourselves. We do have that ability. However, each of us have blind spots, those areas about which we are self-deceived. I don't mean to imply that we cannot hear from God about ourselves. We can and we do, but those same blind-spots become deaf-spots regarding some areas of our lives. Things concerning our attitudes, behaviors and beliefs of which we are totally unaware are very evident to the members of our community. I have no doubts that if we designed a questionaire whose object was to measure people's perspective regarding our life, if we than passed it out to ten of our best friends and insisted on total honesty, there is not a one of us that would not discover some things about ourselves that we were totally ignorant of. That is a remarkable gift the community can give to us if we will receive it.

Such a process is not entered into without risk, but risk is an unavoidable part of the equation. As Luke 19:26 states in The Message: "Risk your life and get more than you ever dreamed of. Play it safe and end up holding the bag." Left holding the bag is not where I want to wind up. The risk is worth the potential reward.

Quote of the Day

"He who loves his dream of community more than the Christian community itself

becomes a destroyer of the latter, even though his personal intentions may

be ever so honest and earnest and sacrificial."

Dietrich Bonhoeffer

Life Together

SSU October 23, 2008

The time I spent this morning with the contemplative prayer group I am a part of for this module was probably the most profound time I have ever experienced in a group prayer context. You need to understand that contemplative prayer is not your typical petition/request sort of meeting that many of us grew up in. Contemplative prayer is a completely different animal. It's purpose is to encounter God in whatever ways God desires.

There are many ways to do that. Probably the most common is through scripture. This morning, in addition to scripture, we included a piece of music. After quietly waiting with Him in His word (Psalms 23) and the song, we took a time to share with the group the places He took us and the things He communicated to us.

Before each session, our spiritual director generally reminds us that we are to receive the things that each member of the group shares as a gift to us. In the past, I have experienced that to some degree but it was never more obvious or more profound than it was today. The stories of pain and healing, failure and triumph, weakness and fear were remarkable. They truly felt like gifts from the sharer. The vulnerability before the group was a gift in and of itself. The stories felt like treasures that were being entrusted to us for safe keeping. I really have no words to describe the privilege I felt to be present for the occasion.

An experience like that amazingly bonds you together. It seemed that there was some kind of divine linkage of hearts. I left the room a different person than I entered. I have been in and led many of these kinds of prayer times and have always been changed by the experience, but never so dramatically as today. The memories I take from today have become for me the stones of memorial, much like those gathered by Abraham, Issac and Jacob, erected to commemorate significant encounters with God.

In the second half of our meeting, we encountered God through events of our personal history. In our heart, we allowed him to take us to an event from our past, a remembrance of his choosing. Rather than us telling our story to Him or to others, we allowed Him to tell us our story from His perspective. What a remarkable thing to allow God to give you His perspective of an event or events from your life. Each of us is to allow that process to continue to unfold in our private times with Him over the next few days.

This morning's meeting was worth the entire trip to me. I believe the experience is a living experience and will continue to impact me into the future. The living God speaks living words to living spirits. I'm not sure what eternal life is, but if this isn't it it will do until it comes.

Quote of the Day

"Bearing the image of God is not just a fact, it's a vocation."

N. T. Wright The Challenge of Jesus

SSU October 22, 2008

One of the really enjoyable things for me when I come to SSU is that I can walk wherever I go: to school, to church, to the grocery store, to the local pizza dive. People often offer me rides which I cheerfully decline. There is something about walking that translates into a slower pace of life. I can literally feel my thoughts slowing and my emotions calming. That would be a marked contrast to my thoughts racing and my emotions raging. I'm convinced we would be in better emotional shape as a society if walking was our major means of getting around.

Meister Eckhard, a fourteenth century mystic, said, "Nothing resembles the language of God so much as silence." We live in a world of sensory overload. Mostly it is by choice that we do. All of the electronic devices which have become a staple of life have an off switch. We could do a great deal to improve our lives by availing ourselves of that button from time to time.

In what way is silence the language of God? One answer to that question might be that it is in our silence that the voice of God is heard. Silence is not the equivalent of the absence of communication. Someone has observed that the language of our deepest intimacy is often unspoken. Another answer to that question could be that it is often what is not said that communicates the loudest.

With that in mind, I'll keep this post short.

Quote of the Day

"A man who has truly mastered the utterances of Jesus will also be able to apprehend His silence, and thus reach full spiritual maturity, so that his own words have the force of actions and his silences the significance of speech." Ignatius Epistle to the Ephesians 2nd Century AD

SSU October 21, 2008

NAS Jeremiah 15:19 "If you return...I will restore...if you extract...you will become..."

Extraction is not an easy task. I remember a phrase from my youth. "Getting you to _______ is like pulling teeth!" You can fill in the blank, but the point of the phrase is that whatever it is you are attempting to do, it is a hard and difficult process that often involves pain. I have had a tooth extracted before. It required a pair of pliers and a lot of pain medication!

Extracting truth, extracting what is precious often involves a similar effort. However, the pain is worth it. Actually, if you leave the infected tooth in place you will discover what real pain is. The pain of the extraction will pale in comparison to the pain of a decaying, infected tooth.

It probably isn't good PR for the processes of God to reveal the role of pain, but it seems to me that Jesus was never in the PR business. In fact, just the opposite seems to be true. He continued to say difficult things to his listeners (Eat my flesh, drink my blood!), to the point that many walked away. "If you extract...you will become..." The walk with Christ is all about becoming. I was created in the image of God and I am becoming the likeness of Christ. Pain is a part of the process. It is one of the tools God uses to shape us into Christ's image.

In our time of contemplative prayer today, I believe I heard God speak to me. My wife and I are walking through a very challenging season. The demands upon us are very high. Our strength is ebbing. The reading today was Psalm 23. When read to us, the phrase that was prominent to me was: "Surely goodness and kindness shall follow you all the days of your life." (NRSV)

I felt God speak to me that this season Janet and I are walking through is the kindness of the Lord for us. I must admit, I was not too thrilled at this thought. I was reminded of a comment that Theresa of Avila made to God, "If this is the way you treat your friends, it's no wonder you don't have very many." Our contemplative prayer leader put the question to us: "Can you embrace what God is saying (the leader of our group did not know what God was saying to me)?" Can I embrace what God is saying? "If you embrace what God is saying, what will it look like?" My answer to that question was that I would have a great deal of peace, that is if I embraced the notion that this challenging season was a kindness from good to me. Peace was an appealing thought. Can I embrace what God is saying?

Time will tell the answer to that question. My heart is seeking peace...and rest...and relief...and restoration. "If you will return...I will restore." Will I return? Will I embrace? Will I extract so I can become? Great questions. They sound like questions that will lead to a journey.

SSU October 20, 2008

NAS Jeremiah 15:19 "Therefore, thus says the LORD, 'If you return, then I will restore you-- Before Me you will stand; And if you extract the precious from the worthless, You will become My spokesman. They for their part may turn to you, But as for you, you must not turn to them.'"

This is the theme verse for St. Stephens University. They have dedicated themselves to the extraction of "the precious from the worthless." Extraction is an interesting word. It implies a mingling, a mixture, in need of separation. It seems (at least from the verse as rendered in NAS) that the precious can be found in or among the worthless. Our ability to find the precious in or among the worthless and extract it determines our readiness to be His spokesperson.

Perspective is everything. However, it can only be found in returning. "If you return, then I will restore..." SSU has become a place of restoration for me. The film of society accumulates by layers upon the lense through which I see. St. Stephens has become a place of cleansing, where the varnish of the culture can be wiped from the windows of my soul and God's perspective can again be clearly seen. Yet a cleansing, though vital, is not enough. It must be accompanied by a desire to see for yourself. The old adage is certainly true. Give a man a fish and feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish and feed him for a lifetime. Teach a man to see and guide him for a lifetime. It's not that I have never been able to see, but I feel like I am learning to see all over again.

I heard today that scientific advancements usually occur when someone discovers a new way to look at a problem. A new paradigm. A new perspective. We become so used to looking at things from the same angle and the answer continues to elude us.

My journal entry yesterday: "I'm not sure getting the right answers is as important as asking the right questions. In some ways, getting answers brings an end whereas asking questions is always a beginning, initiating a search. I think this emphasizes the fact that it is the journey and not the destination that is most important. Answers (which I am certainly not against) tend to be destinations and questions tend to be journeys. Arriving at a destination often leads to a sitting down, an end to activity. They (answers) stop the process...unless answers lead to more questions and the destination leads to more journeys."

Quote for the day: "The mystery of the gospel is this: it is always the same (content), and it is always changing (the container). In fact, for the gospel to remain the same, it has to change.
The old, old story needs to be told in new, new ways. In fact, one of the ways you know the old, old truths are true is their ability to assume amazing and unfamiliar shapes while remaining themselves and without compromising their integrity." Leonard Sweet Aqua Church

"If you return, I will restore...if you extract...you will become..."

So...the journey continues.

SSU October 19, 2008

I arrived in St. Stephens last evening for my final module at SSU. It was with a mixture of joy and sorrow that I rode into town across the international bridge between the US and Canada. The source of joy was the renewal of relationships that I was about to experience, spending time again with those whom I had shared the pleasure of learning and growing. Those intimate and vulnerable times that we shared together in our contemplative classes was a remarkable bonding experience. Inevitably, our fears and sources of pain would emerge in those quiet moments of waiting in God's presence. Sharing your own and hearing those of others created a connection between us that is hard to explain. It somehow created family. The thought of being with that family again makes me smile on the inside and the outside.

I also have a pleasurable expectation of meeting new friends. One of the biggest changes that has occurred in me over these past two years of attending SSU is an increased openness and acceptance of others. The acceptance that I have received in the process has gradually worked its way into my own heart. You can only be truly accepting when you have experienced acceptance yourself, for exactly who and what you are. I actually anticipate making new friends in this module. That is nothing short of a miracle. I generally prefer a book and a quiet corner. However, the enrichment I have received from the relationships I have made here have created a hunger in me for more of the same. In some ways, I feel like I am jumping into the deep end of the pool without my "floaties" on, scared stiff but really wanting to swim on my own.

My sorrow stems from the fact that this is my last module. Unless God has a plan that I am unaware of at this point (which is altogether probable), this will be my last trip to St. Stephens. The thought of not seeing these people again makes everything in me "droop." It seems we constantly live in such tension. Joy and sorrow, rest and stress...occurring almost simultaneously. We certainly are "fearfully and wonderfully made," our capacity to experience these emotions in the same breath.

In some sense, I grieve thinking of not being in the learning environment that exists here. My first experience of that almost two years ago now was like a shot of cocaine. The addiction took hold and I had to feed it! Hence, many miles traveled and several thousand dollars spent I have continued to get my fixes. Though I may not be making anymore trips to St. Stephens, the addiction remains. I am sure God will provide me with a new "dealer."

As we drove up yesterday from Bangor through the northern countryside of Maine, the burning colors of Fall reminded me that changing seasons is a part of life. The brilliant greens of summer had given way to the flaming reds and oranges of autumn. These would soon give way to the bare branches of Winter. It is inevitable. The cycle of life continues. However, unlike the predictable cycles of the season, I do not know what the next season holds for me. That brings a certain measure of excitement and expectation accompanied with an equal measure of uncertainty. Yet I have walked with Him long enough to know that whatever the season before me it will contribute to the growth he desires.

For now I will enjoy and cherish, perhaps more than any of my other modules, these next two weeks. I want to fully live in each moment and receive the life that each one offers. In fact, that sounds like a pretty good recipe for life in general. Who knows. This experience my actually rub off on me. The changes I have experienced give me hope that I may yet experience the changes I seek.

From the Frozen North

This past Wednesday we descended from 35,000 to land in Inuvik, Northwest Territories, Canada. That was the last time I saw the sun until today. It just peeked over the horizon for about an hour. It's amazing to watch the sun move for an hour parallel to the horizon and then sink out of sight.

Last Wednesday, after arriving in Inuvik we traveled up the ice road (the frozen McKenzie River) for about 100 miles to the Arctic coastal village of Tuktoyaktuk, population 900. I am making this trip with long time missionary friend Bill Brown and Kerry Kirkwood, one of the young men I grew up with in Amarillo, Texas, who is now pastoring in Tyler, Texas.

It had been ten years since I had been in Tuk and it was great to renew friendships with Pastor Emmanuel Adam and his congregation. We had nightly services through Saturday and then two services on Sunday. God was so good to grace us with his presence with many receiving a visible touch from God. I find that when God's presence comes upon people they respond pretty much the same wherever you are regardless of ethnicity or geography.

In Tuk we "chop" our drinking water. They have running water for washing, laundry, bathing, etc... but it doesn't taste very good so everyone goes out to a fresh water lake near the village and chops their drinking water. You bring in the ice chunks and put them in a barrel until they melt and that is your drinking water.

We also went on a dog sled ride. Eight dogs pulling a big sled with two of us on it. It's amazing how those dogs love to run. It's also amazing that the dogs live outside on chains in this weather. They each get a frozen fish every other day for their food. My dog doesn't know how good he has it!

One of the local hunters went out this week and bagged an 11' polar bear 20 miles outside of Tuk. They can sell the skin for about $3500. It's one of the ways they earn a living, along with fishing and hunting caribou. I have had Canadian goose, caribou stew, muktuk (whale blubber... which is actually pretty good. When you eat it, it actually warms your body up. Amazing!) and coney (a large white fish they catch in nets hung under the ice... there is one in the picture below). Can't find those on the menu back in Arizona.

On Monday we made the trip back up the ice road to Inuvik where we will be in services through this next Sunday at Lighthouse Church. Harold and Darlene Robinson are the pastors. The temperature has hovered aroun -20 degrees Farenheit for most of my time here. However, this Friday they are expecting temperatures to drop to near -40. They told me they won't let the kids in school go out for recess when it gets to -40. Can you imagine?

I find that my heart really bonds with the people here. They so love to worship the Lord and

hear the Word of God taught. They are so gracious and hospitable. It will be difficult to leave them, but I am getting anxious to get home to Janet and my family, as well as my church family. I am so appreciative of the opportunity to worship with the family of God in this part of His world. I will take home many wonderful memories.

Psalm 57:9 "I will praise the Lord among the peoples. I will sing to Him among the nations."